Women's Ministry Trip, Part 4 (life-changing)

I must admit that I had reservations when I saw that we would be going to the Women's Prayer Retreat, and when I saw the schedule I nearly panicked.  The schedule included four+ hours of individual prayer time!  My goodness, what in the world was I going to do with 4 hours and 15 minutes of individual prayer.  Just being honest, that statement revealed the state of my heart and prayer life.  Nevertheless, off I went with the VidaNueva women and about ninety women from Christ Chapel.  

The retreat was held at Riverbend Retreat Center, a ministry of the Tarrant Baptist Association.  The retreat center encompasses 170 acres of land, including 140 acres of secluded woodland of which 5,000 feet fronts the Brazos River.  As soon as I arrived I felt transported back in time to Windermere, the Baptist retreat and camp center where I worked three summers. 

 

We had some time to check out the beautiful facilities and take some pictures.

 

 

After check-in and dinner, we had our first group session--it was a very simple, yet sincere time of worship.  There was no big worship band, just one woman, a guitar and 90+ voices singing "Sovereign," "Restless" and "How Great Thou Art."  The short devotional encouraged us to have confidence in prayer knowing that He answers prayers in three ways:  yes, wait, something better.  At the end of the time, we were dismissed to go wherever we wanted to pray--the two rules:  pray individually and pray quietly so as not disturb others.  

There were some prayer related handouts on the table, and we were encouraged to pick them up if we wanted some "starters."  I left the group session with my Bible, my new journal, and a couple of the handouts, went to the room to get a jacket and then started by walking along the road between the meeting rooms and the cabins.  At that point I had no idea what I was going to say to God.  So, I just started by thanking Him for the opportunity to be there and then asking if He would help me listen to Him.  Little by little I became more comfortable with the silence and, for the first time in a long time, it was just me and my Father.  After about 30 minutes I found a rocking chair on one of the porches and began to capture some of my thoughts.  At the end of the time I was in tears and under conviction and these are the thoughts that came to me:

     A Holy God deserves more than my half-hearted effort,
     A Loving Father deserves more than my partial obedience,
     A Resurrected Savior deserves more than my ungrateful heart,
     A Sovereign Lord deserves more than a reluctant servant,
     An All-powerful King deserves more than empty words of praise.

I can hardly describe how I felt at that moment; it was devastating to admit that those words described who I was.  However, God didn't leave me in my sadness, but gave me hope that I could change:

     A Holy God deserves my all-consuming passion and my most excellent effort,
     A Loving Father deserves my faithful and complete submission to his commands,
     A Resurrected Savior deserves my total, sold-out surrender,
     A Sovereign Lord deserves my uncompromised commitment,
     An All-powerful King deserves my living sacrifice that testifies to His honor and glory.

     I deserve his judgment, but He gives mercy.
     I deserve the consequences of my sin, but He gives grace.
     I deserve death, but He gives eternal life.
     I deserve nothing, but He gives everything. 
 
When our time was up, the group met together again to hear a short testimony.  The eight of us ended the night singing worship songs in Spanish in one of our cabins, and I went to bed anxious to spend three hours more in prayer the next morning.

God is so good, so patient with us and knows exactly what we need!